And you thought the presidential campaign Cabbage Patch Kids were stupid?

Haha, you must not be aware of the Young Cons! A “rap” duo peddling the “love that’s behind the conservative movement,” they wear suits because, of course, they’re not “regular rappers.” Oh well. At least they admit they have an agenda..that’s progress, isn’t it? Actually no. There’s so many things wrong with this “song”, if you can call it that, I don’t even know where to start. I’m torn between pointing and laughing, and worrying about how many people actually think Jesus and Ronald Reagan are practically synonymous, for one thing. And I guess I forgot that even God’s an American…silly me!

Here’s the lyrics, haha. But I’m warning you ahead of time, they’re the worst rap lyrics I’ve ever heard, and in general I’m not too impressed with the genre, so take from that what you will.

[Serious C:]
Yo…one time…
I rep the Northeast and I’m still a young con,
Let your voice release, you don’t have to be Obamatrons.
I debate any poser who don’t shoot straight,
Government spending needs to deflate,
Your ideas are lightweight,
Ya careers in checkmate,
I frustrate. I increase the pulse rate.
I hate when
Government dictatin’, makin’ statements ’bout how to be a merchant,
How to run a restaurant, how to lay the pavement,
Bail out a business, but can’t protect an infant.
Deficiencies are blatant, young con treatment,
I stand one man, outnumbered at my college.
Thank you Miss Cali for reminding us of marriage.
Can’t support abortion and call yourself a Christian.
I support life, you’re a puzzled politician.
Terrorists were imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay,
Now they’re in our neighborhoods, planning out Doomsday.
No such thing as Utopia,
No government can control ya, baby ya.
Reap the benefits, hard work, self-reliant.
Listen to Stiltz, my dude’s a lyrical giant.
Yo Stiltz, make it two time…please.
[Stiltz:]
I’m 6’9″, head and shoulder above the rest.
Liberals playin’ checkers, I’m playin’ chess.
My conservative view is drill baby drill.
You can say you hate me but I’m praying for you still.
My dislike for thee most def is not hyperbole.
Taxes are the subject and I will spit them verbally.
I’m just livin’ life, a conservative philosophy.
Sorry Hillary, not a right-wing conspiracy.
We need more women with intellectual integrity.
I’m talkin’ Megyn Kelly, not Nancy Pelosi.
My main motto is you best work hard.
It’s not the hand you were given, but how you lay down your cards.
I don’t speak lies, but I spit the facts.
28%, the new capital gains tax.
Porkulus bill lacks a few stats.
The more money we spend, the more mine is worth jack.
The Bible says we’re a people under God, usin’ radar for radical jihad.
AIG was hooked up by Chris Dodd.
A classy gift ain’t an iPod.
The standards of my crew ain’t Republicans, dude.
I’m reppin’ Jesus Christ and conservative views.
Study history and true conservative moves,
Every single time they refuse to lose.
I’m starting to see a modern-day Jimmy Carter,
When really nothin’ but a Reagan-era starter.
[Serious C:]
Yo, we Americans, son.
Hit ya with some knowledge, the movement has begun.
Everyone can succeed because our soldiers bleed for us.
I said in in the verse, now I’ll say it in the chorus.
[Stiltz:]
We young conservatives, son,
Hard work is our motto.
The movement has begun.
Everyone can succeed ’cause our soldiers bleed daily.
My views are rock solid, no chance you can break me…
[Serious C:] Phase me, make me, into something that ain’t me.
Serious C…can’t nobody shake me.
Great like the Gatsby, poppin’ posers like acne.
Don’t matter if you’re gay, straight, Christian or Muslim,
There’s one thing we all hate, called socialism.
It’s loathsome, and America ain’t the outcome.
Raise taxes on the people,
And you’re gonna feel symptoms, problems.
I got a mesage for a young con:
Superman that socialism, waterboard that terrorism.
[Stiltz:]
I fulfill the role that’s inherently mine
Teaching politics through my rap and my rhyme.
I’m signing off on this track with a question in mind:
How will this country get its precious change in time?
Three things taught me conservative love:
Jesus, Ronald Reagan, plus Atlas Shrugged.
Saving our nation from inflation devastation.
On my hands and my knees praying for salvation.
[Serious C:]
Yo, we Americans, son.
Hit ya with some knowledge, the movement has begun.
Everyone can succeed because our soldiers bleed for us.
I said it in the verse, now I’ll say it in the chorus.
[Stiltz:]
We young conservatives, son.
Hard work is our motto.
The movement has begun.
Everyone can succeed ’cause our soldiers bleed daily.
My views are rock solid, no chance you can break me.

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2 Responses to “And you thought the presidential campaign Cabbage Patch Kids were stupid?”

  1. Unique Ideas About Personalized Baby Gifts « Pregnancy & Baby News Says:

    […] And you thought the presidential campaign Cabbage Patch Kids were … […]

  2. noldorianstar Says:

    …*palmface*

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