Actually yes, this is offensive. Only without the quotation marks.

[via, originally from the Boortz Blast…can you tell?]

No, I didn’t write this. I wish I did. Because it’s the painful truth. And you know how much I love to stir the puddin’. This list was actually forwarded to me from a friend of mine…Ain’t this the truth? -Neal Boortz

1. If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

2. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

3. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

4. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

5. If a person of color is conservative, he sees himself as independently successful.
If a person of color is liberal, he sees himself as a victim in need of government protection

6. If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
If a liberal is down-and-out, he wonders who is going to take care of him.

7. If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
If a liberal doesn’t like a talk show host, he demands that those he doesn’t like be shut down.

8. If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
If a liberal is a non-believer, he wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)

9. If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
If a liberal decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his.

10. If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs, and is embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he’s in labor and then sues.

11. If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
If a liberal reads this, he’ll delete it because he’s “offended”.

Me again, your lovely ship’s Cap’n. I’ve taken the liberty of numbering these little laugh riots for easy reference. Here’s a short list of things I find offensive (sans quotation marks) about this friendly piece of spam…

-The use of male pronouns when referring to hypothetical people of any gender
-The implication that all conservatives are quiet, respectful and polite, and all liberals are rude, conniving bitches
-The implication that all conservatives have sensible, measured reactions to everyday events, while all liberals take everything to the extreme and make mountains out of molehills
-The implication that the conservative mindset is obviously superior to the liberal mindset
-The implication that all conservatives want is the freedom to live their life the way they want to, and all liberals want is the freedom to control everyone else’s lives for them
-The implication that people from other nations who disagree with us or don’t like us are therefore our “enemies” and should be dealt with accordingly…because the US must (and deserves to!) rule the roost
-The further implication that, since conservatism should be the default ideology and liberal the aberrant, liberal people are actually enemies of the US themselves and should also be dealt with accordingly (How dare you  not hate foreign people! Prepare to defend yourselves!)
-The implication that non-heteronormative people don’t deserve equal rights, they should be grateful for whatever scraps we throw them because as we all know, human rights don’t really exist. We should start using the term “human privileges”
-The implication that all people of color need to do to really be equal is vote Republican
-The implication that voting Republican is the roadmap to success for everyone, while voting Democrat is the road to hell
-The implication that conservatives love hard work and would work hard all day for free (unless, that is, you were giving their salary to someone else…) and liberals are lazy bums who watch television all day and can’t be bothered to get a job
-The implication that only conservative people have brains, and only liberal people can be leeches
-The implication that it’s always within a person’s grasp to lift themselves out of poverty, and therefore the poverty that still exists is evidence of some kind of moral failing
-The implication that it’s easy to find work…if one is lacking money, one simply needs to choose at leisure one of multitudes of available jobs
-The implication that all conservative people possess level heads, always remain calm, never lose their temper when faced with someone of an opposing political persuasion, while all liberals want to banish their opponents…from Planet Earth
-The implication that the only legitimate religion in the US is Christianity and all other religions are “foreign religions”
-The implication that adherents to said “foreign religions” should be content to see their religious freedoms and protections legislated away while we write Christianity into the Constitution and enforce it as the national religion
-The implication that being a Christian is somehow the same as being a patriotic American…God and the US of course are working toward the same goals! All the time!
-The implication that health care is neither a necessity nor a right that belongs to all of us as humans, but rather an exclusive luxury available only to those with big enough wallets, and that’s the way it should be
-The further implication that since health care isn’t a human right, we, the wealthy West, have no obligation to do anything about world crises (for example, AIDS)
-The implication that this whole email forward is hilarious and anyone who doesn’t think so is a lamo idiot who deserves to be put under house arrest so the rest of us don’t have to look at his or her ugly face anymore
-The implication that this whole email forward is true
-The unfortunate divisions and stereotypes this email forward does nothing but reinforce. It’s not us vs. them, blue vs. red. Or it shouldn’t be. And you wonder why we can’t accomplish anything?

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